House Rules

REASONS TO CLOSE THE LID ON THE TOILET

It all started with the toilet seat. Being a woman, I had to insist that the plane was not landing, and unlike tray tables, the seat should not be returned to an upright position. Yes, of course I still remember the childhood trauma of falling in when I got up in the middle of the night…but that’s another story.

Yesterday I was telling a friend (male) about the new rule in my house – the lid on the toilet seat has to be down. Yeah, bad enough I insist on the seat being returned to its original down position – but now this. Anyway, the new rule is almost too much for him to cope with.

No, I don’t have any pets that should not be drinking toilet water. Or any babies that might try lapping it up, or worse, falling in.

It’s simple: I have a very small bathroom, maxed out to keep everything handy. But here are some recent mishaps:

1) Casually brushing hair over sink, looking in mirror. Brush catches on earring (18k gold handcrafted), pulls earring out, earring flies, bounces off of mirror and goes straight into the toilet. As the flush is finishing…whoosh. Gone. But not forgotten. Grit teeth….

2) Bump into shelf on wall next to toilet. Mug with eye liner pencils falls over, while I’m rubbing sort spot on my head. Do you think I like playing pick-up-stix from toilet bowl? Are the caps on tight, can they be salvaged? What to do, what to do….

3) Take dirty kitchen towel into bathroom to place in laundry hamper. Notice dust on shelf (same one mentioned above), so do a quick dust. See cobweb starting above shelf, swing the towel to swat the cobweb down. Towel flies out of hand, and takes a dive – you guessed it, right into toilet. Delicately pick up an end and toss into bathtub until tomorrow – laundry day. Arrgh….
4) Spritzing my favorite perfume on, I get distracted (by what?????) and turn too fast, lose grip on perfume bottle. Like a graceful swan dive off the high board….well, at least the toilet smells good. Is that why it’s called Eau de Toilette? Note to self: wash hands after putting on lotion before grabbing perfume bottle.


The list goes on: rings, toothbrushes, bite-guards, contact lenses…if it doesn’t belong there, it has a way of landing there. Ok, so I’m a bit of a klutz, at least I didn’t flush a cell phone….but I’d like to get through one day without saying, oh, I didn’t mean to do that….

Besides, it’s a good feng shui habit, keeps out evil spirits. That’s good enough for me.