A Few More Notes on the Toilet….

Ok, there will be those who think I have an obsession with toilets and related activities. You know who you are. Please let me assure you this is not true – it’s just that I’ve always found a humorous twist in the symbolism associated with toilets.

For example, I totally cracked up this summer when the Olympics were on. When one of the stadium’s was unveiled to the public, and described as the ‘Bird’s Nest’, well tell me I’m wrong, but the aerial view quite clearly reminded me of a giant toilet.

A beautiful silver one. And since I’m in the market for a new soft seat, well you get the idea.

Or the day my toilet overflowed one morning when I was racing out of the house at 6 A.M. to catch a flight for a day trip that I did not want to take, but had to. Ironically, I got locked in an airport bathroom stall on my return…let’s just say it was poetic justice.

But I digress. My thoughts on the toilet (not literally, thank you) relate to the state of the economy.

If only a good flush or two would solve the problems – ok, this is a huge mess, so it might even take a few more.

Alas, it’s not that simple. But we can try to keep laughing along the way, yes?

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A Trip to Nashville....

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a country music fan…but a recent junket into the heartland of America showed me there’s a lot more to Nashville than country music.

My plane landed and I met up with Liz from Wickedly Chic, claimed baggage, and proceeded to explore the area near the airport looking for a cell phone charger – but that’s another tale for another day.
Back to airport to pick up Amy from Charming Sam, and off we went to our base for the next two days -- the Hampton Inn & Suites, right near Vanderbilt University – with very comfy beds, free breakfast and a big box of left behind cell phone chargers. (Thank goodness!)

Our first supper in the land of sweet Southern soulful cooking took us to Rotier’s – a total hole in the wall establishment that has been there for over 80 years – and with any luck will be there a lot longer. Had the best fried chicken I’ve had in my life, complete with real mashed potatoes & gravy (not the add water and mix with a fork kind!) and fried zucchini. Practically licked the plate, but saved that for later – go for dessert at Coco – where you will have a totally decadent dessert experience.

The next day it was off to the Escape Spa – perfectly named. And in my spa experience (which is humbly vast) – one of the best spas I’ve been to. Serene & beautiful all the way – truly an oasis. Jeremiah removed every ache & pain with a massage combining Swedish, deep tissue & stretching techniques – and my normally ticklish toes defied me while they had an ultra pampering pedicure.

By now we’re hungry – ok – ravenous would be a better word. So it was off to the Loveless Café to meet Carol Fay “The Biscuit Lady” and have another down home, downright fabulous meal. Barbecue that melted in my mouth, and fudge pie, oh my!

Bodies pampered and appetites satisfied, it was off to explore a wonderfully restored town called Franklin. Great little shops, and a lazy ambiance. Like a picture postcard calling “wish you were here”. But the best shop of all was down the road – Kandle Kitchen boasts an extraordinary assortment of scents and sizes – and you can get regular candles & a great selection of soy candles too. I tried a few of each – will keep you posted, but let me tell you, my mango candle smells like a grove.

After all this shopping, you guessed right if you thought it was time to eat again. So, shunning the downtown tourist establishments, we headed back to the Loveless Café for a ‘snack’. If I lived in Nashville, I would go there all the time.

Alas, the next morning was our last – so after a lazy breakfast – complete with leftover biscuits from the Loveless (which are just as good cold as they are warm – maybe it’s the homemade blackberry jam?) – off we went to shop a little more. We were obliged to visit at least one mall, and at Green Hills you could probably shop for days. But don’t miss Designer Finds – an upscale resale shop, or Davis Kidd Booksellers – a huge independent bookstore that gives back to the community. Move over Borders.

Time for one more meal – the ‘last supper’, so to speak - and off to Sylvan Park Restaurant we went. It’s like walking into someone’s kitchen (except huge). Meringue topped pies that must have been 6 inches high – next time I’ll order dessert first, I swear. I decided to go lighter (more room for pie) – but I had the best double-decker BLT ever. So fresh they must have butchered the pig out back. Not really, but you get the idea. But the turkey dinners my compadres ordered also looked totally yummy, and I’ll bet the turkeys were out back playing with the piggies.

Down the road, on the way back to the airport, final shopping stop was Boomerang – “Finer Thrift”. In an old house – fact is an old whorehouse till just a few years ago. You just have to chat with Gary, he’ll give you the guided tour while seated behind the counter – sweet drawl & all, delivered with a hefty dose of humor. I found a great rayon print caftan in the vintage section downstairs that just had to come home with me. Be careful on that wrought iron spiral as you go down – but go.

Think superlatives with a capital “S” – Spa, Shop, Sup – and you’ll get a big ol’ Smile on your face, just like I did.

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Conversations With Self

Woke up today with ad slogans and jingles running through my head. When I think about it, this happens all too often. What does this mean? Am I singing my way through life, or are we all subliminally being programmed? Am I simply nuts? Or – should I being trying to write an unforgettable slogan for my business? Hmm. Can you hear me now? Or have I really fallen and can’t get up? Oh, those are already taken. HELP!

Typical start to my day:

1) Wake up and run to the bathroom.
2) Try not to break any bones or harm any body parts along the way.
3) Say ‘excuse me’ to wall or chair as I go bouncing into them.
4) Get back into bed for a good stretch.
5) Jump up out of bed, go boot computer and make coffee. All the while little person in head screaming, OMG, I’m late.
6) Late for what, you work at home, other person in head answers
7) Oh yeah, I say.
8) While coffee is brewing, another voice says gleefully, oh boy, I wonder what’s going to happen today?
9) Big smile.

And so it goes. Now, with computer humming (is it supposed to do that?????) and coffee ready, I settle myself into my quasi lotus position on chair. Full lotus would cause chair to fall over, and require visit to emergency room. Not a good thing. Or would I have to be surgically removed from chair?

Check email. Check through bulk folder to find out how many idiots there are today who have nothing better to do than send messages that are meaningless to people they don’t know. Luckily, am not too annoyed about it today. Tomorrow, who knows. Depends what song I wake up singing…

Read every possible horoscope to make sure I’m either

1) going to have a good day
2) have a light bulb glaring ‘aha’ moment
3) get through the day with minimal grief
4) finally discover the true meaning of life
5) go to the beach or work my butt off today

All in all, life is good. All little persons in head agree. Whew.

Little person in head agrees, nodding enthusiastically. Like bobble head on dashboard in car – you know? Haven’t seen those lately, but when I was a kid people used to put them on the back shelf of their cars. Sometimes a hula doll, sometimes some funny head.

Don’t know where that came from. Maybe it was last week's road trip. Flashbacks of how things used to be. Like kids in the backseat waving at other cars.

Little people inside head nod enthusiastically again. Heaven help me, now there's more than one again.....

House Rules

REASONS TO CLOSE THE LID ON THE TOILET

It all started with the toilet seat. Being a woman, I had to insist that the plane was not landing, and unlike tray tables, the seat should not be returned to an upright position. Yes, of course I still remember the childhood trauma of falling in when I got up in the middle of the night…but that’s another story.

Yesterday I was telling a friend (male) about the new rule in my house – the lid on the toilet seat has to be down. Yeah, bad enough I insist on the seat being returned to its original down position – but now this. Anyway, the new rule is almost too much for him to cope with.

No, I don’t have any pets that should not be drinking toilet water. Or any babies that might try lapping it up, or worse, falling in.

It’s simple: I have a very small bathroom, maxed out to keep everything handy. But here are some recent mishaps:

1) Casually brushing hair over sink, looking in mirror. Brush catches on earring (18k gold handcrafted), pulls earring out, earring flies, bounces off of mirror and goes straight into the toilet. As the flush is finishing…whoosh. Gone. But not forgotten. Grit teeth….

2) Bump into shelf on wall next to toilet. Mug with eye liner pencils falls over, while I’m rubbing sort spot on my head. Do you think I like playing pick-up-stix from toilet bowl? Are the caps on tight, can they be salvaged? What to do, what to do….

3) Take dirty kitchen towel into bathroom to place in laundry hamper. Notice dust on shelf (same one mentioned above), so do a quick dust. See cobweb starting above shelf, swing the towel to swat the cobweb down. Towel flies out of hand, and takes a dive – you guessed it, right into toilet. Delicately pick up an end and toss into bathtub until tomorrow – laundry day. Arrgh….
4) Spritzing my favorite perfume on, I get distracted (by what?????) and turn too fast, lose grip on perfume bottle. Like a graceful swan dive off the high board….well, at least the toilet smells good. Is that why it’s called Eau de Toilette? Note to self: wash hands after putting on lotion before grabbing perfume bottle.


The list goes on: rings, toothbrushes, bite-guards, contact lenses…if it doesn’t belong there, it has a way of landing there. Ok, so I’m a bit of a klutz, at least I didn’t flush a cell phone….but I’d like to get through one day without saying, oh, I didn’t mean to do that….

Besides, it’s a good feng shui habit, keeps out evil spirits. That’s good enough for me.